art of... series

Hello! Today I am happy to be guest posting for my friend Michelle, one half of the Twig Creative duo. If you haven't already heard of their adorable handmade toy cameras, chairs, and more you are missing out! This one is definitely on my radar. Michelle and her husband are one talented couple and some of the nicest people I have met. She is doing a great series right now called 'The Art of...' and asked me to write about the art of vintage. It was fun to sit down and think about what beauty I see in all of these old used things I like so much ;) You can read it here.

easter

I know, Easter was so last week but I couldn't let it pass completely by without acknowledging what was such a lovely holiday. After church we spent the afternoon at my mom and her husband's new home in the country. It was the perfect setting for an egg hunt and a fun place to go exploring. We all walked to the end of their property and back and it was so nice to be outside together with the warm sun shining on our faces. You are more than welcome, Spring!

The girls wore vintage dresses like they have for the past two years, but I am thinking I need to bring the tradition of handmade dresses on Easter back (not that it was that long ago, ha). What I really mean is I would like to start sewing more again, which is code for 'I need to organize my craft room'. ;)

Oh, and that last picture? My mama heart is bursting. I love those girls.

I wish I were posting almost 20 week baby bump pictures. I wish I were announcing the gender and preparing the guest room to be converted into the nursery, but this past month God had other plans for our family...

When I woke up the morning of March 14th instead of being 16 weeks pregnant I was empty, and I could feel it in the deepest part of my grieving heart. Our sweet baby passed away at 13 weeks. It happened just days after we heard the heartbeat and right around the time we were announcing our happy news, although we wouldn't realize our loss for another three weeks. I experienced what is called a missed miscarriage.

About a week or two after we made our announcement worrisome thoughts started entering my mind... I hadn't felt any movement yet and I thought that my baby bump should be bigger by now. But there were none of the typical warning signs other than the bells going off in my head, so I was trying to stay positive and hope for the best. I was scheduled to go in for an ultrasound, but instead of being thrilled at the thought of seeing my baby for the first time as I should have been, I felt nervous. I knew this was the day I would find out if my worries would be confirmed.

I knew right away. The image of my tiny baby came on the screen and there was no flutter, no tiny kicks or acrobatics. The ultrasound technician quietly took a measurement, turned off the screen and told me she had some bad news. There was no heartbeat. I felt numb. I turned to Husband who was still wrangling our girls into place and slowly shook my head when we locked eyes. As I saw the realization and sadness cross his face I knew it was reflected in mine.

The next morning I went to the hospital for a D and C. It was totally painless for me physically, but emotionally my heart was completely broken. My baby, who had already been etched onto my heart as a member of our family, was gone.

My mother came to help me with the girls. Dear friends, family, and neighbors dropped thoughtful gifts on my front porch, brought over dinner, sent sweet cards, emails, text messages, flowers, and I was (and still am) in just as much danger to burst into tears from all of the love I felt as I was for my loss. I have been asked if I regret making the public announcement of my pregnancy seeing how it ended, but I don't. I needed that support more than I knew, and I thank every person who served me and my family with eyes full of tears and gratitude.

I don't know how long it will take my heart to heal, if ever, but I have found great comfort in my belief that God knows me and has a plan for me and my family. One that is different and greater than my own. I am trying my best to let this trial shape me into a better person and most especially a better mother.

larkie lou turned two

Last Monday we celebrated Lark's second birthday. It was a simple low-key affair since we threw it all together after preschool that afternoon, and it was just perfect that way. I unearthed the bunting I made for LM's first birthday and put that up around the house for decor. I remember how long it took me to cut out all those shapes and sew it together so I am glad it got more mileage. Then LM helped me wrap the presents. I didn't have any birthday-appropriate wrapping paper so I just pulled out brown kraft paper. LM, however, insisted birthday presents needed to be bright and colorful, so we decided to merge craft time with party prep by wrapping yarn around the packages and gluing on some triangles for a fun festive bunting.

Lark was occupied this whole time by the giant pink balloon she chose at the party store we stopped by on our way home, and the golden birthday crown I quickly made in hopes it would make her feel special on her big day.

When daddy got home from work we ate dinner - noodles and broccoli per Lark's request - and then it was time to make dessert! As is tradition daddy makes the birthday cake, or cookie dough in this case, so the girls helped him mix up the ingredients and place the dough in some baking cups. We added a scoop of ice cream on top and each had our own little individual pizookie. It was so easy and good I think I will see if we can make it a special birthday tradition for Lark. We'll see what she says next year ;)

Then Lark opened her presents from us and some from family who had been so thoughtful to mail them in time. She loved it all - thank you family!!

Happy Birthday sweet baby girl! You are so loved.

See how bald she was at her 1st birthday party! :)

two different bumps

Thank you so much for the excitement and congratulations following our baby news! We are so excited as well and can't wait to discover who is coming to join our family this year. These pictures were taken during week 12 when my baby bump decided to make its grand appearance. I woke up on a Sunday morning and there it was, daring me to try and suck it in. I tried and failed.

I am already planning to dig out my maternity pants and get nice and comfortable. I've decided there is no need to force myself into my regular jeans (even though they can still be buttoned up at this point) just to be reminded of how they don't quite fit the same anymore. At times it's hard for me to think about how much I've worked these past couple of years to get back into shape only to have to do it all over again after this baby, but my past pregnancies I have felt really good in my skin so I am hoping this one will be the same.

To help with this I plan to start exercising once more. With Lark I worked out almost every day until I was 8 months along. That is when I pulled a muscle reaching for something (not even working out!) and had to stop. For the past four years up until we moved I was part of a group of moms in my neighborhood who would meet at the church every morning to exercise. We would bring out the nursery toys for the kids to play with on one side of the gym while we exercised on the other. We did zumba, yoga, circuits, tabata, pilates, and more and always had a great work out... but what made it my favorite part of the day were the conversations. So many women touched my life in that gym through their stories and friendship. It was such a strengthening time for me both physically and spiritually and I really miss it. I won't be able to replace it, but at least I can get off my tush and start moving again and bid a fond farewell to my first trimester laziness.

Lark got a bump all her own a couple of weeks ago as I'm sure you noticed in our baby announcement pictures. She was standing on a chair when it tipped and the edge of the end table caught her fall. I was there and immediately put my hand to her forehead not knowing how bad it was and rushed her upstairs to the bathroom. By the time we got there my arm was covered in blood and when I peeked at the wound for the first time my heart dropped - it was deep and gaping. After panicking, calling Husband to hurry home, and wondering if I should drive her to insta-care bleeding on my lap, I discovered that the blood flow was actually stopping rather quickly and that helped calm me down. She was pretty shaken, but calming down as well so I cleaned us both up, put a band-aid on it, and held her tight. By the time Husband got home she was back to her normal happy self and it no longer seemed urgent, although I still felt sick that my baby was hurt. It was right around dinner time so we made the kids fast and easy grilled cheese sandwiches and then drove to insta-care afterwards.

I was unsuccessfully holding back tears in the waiting room as the scene replayed in my mind, thinking about how I should have gone over there and grabbed her off the chair rather than just telling her to sit down. Then we were called back. They wrapped her in a blanket and began cleaning her laceration and poking her what seemed way too many times with a needle to numb the area. She didn't like that at all and I don't blame her,  it was the worst part for both of us. When the doctor came in we tried to explain to her how he was going to help and she locked eyes brimming with tears on me and I could see that she understood enough to trust us.

While the doctor put in six stitches she held perfectly still.

My brave little baby girl. How I wish I could prevent you from ever being hurt again.

top 50 mom craft blogs

I was taken completely by surprise when an email landed in my inbox last week informing me I had made Babble's Top 50 Mom Craft Blogs of 2013. What an amazing honor. I know there are a lot of insanely creative mothers blogging out there and I am blown away that my little sometimes neglected space made the cut (if barely).

Be sure to check out all of the other talented ladies on the list - to say I was in good company is an understatement. Thank you, Babble!

But most of all thank YOU, for coming to visit me here and letting me share bits and pieces of myself with you. You really are the greatest.

a (belated) Valentine from ALL of us

Yep, there will be five of us sometime around the border of August/September. We spilled the beans to family with this picture Valentine and are now happy to share the news with you!

And now you know the biggest reason I have been MIA lately. We were real smart timing the move and my first trimester at the same time ;)


(Lark fell last week and had to get stitches above her eye, poor girl!)